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lost in love [19 Aug 2007|10:05pm]

this entire summer i have felt nothing but neglect from the girl i ve been with and loved with my whole heart she does nothing with me she goes to parties and never wants me there she tells me she loves me with her whole heart however i do not believe her i feel that if she did she would give me her all just as i have given her she suggested we take a break about mid summer and that night she kissed another guy when i heard of this i told her to stay away from me and she freaked out and threatened to kill herself i eventually forgave her and we remained together another guy shortly after started to persue her and i had spoken to one of his friends and knew of his intentions and one day her and i got into an argument because her mother told her if she does not dump me she will not pay for her college i was dissapointed in her when she told me she would not fight through this that very night i came to her house to give her things back to her and found the very guy that has been persuing her i punched him and broke the window on his car and i left expecting to never speak to her again the next day when i was home she showed up at my door begging for me to stay with her i spoke with her and told her i needed to think she does not seem to realize the heart ache she has put me through this is a girl i have loved completly and would die for we have began to try and rebuild our realtionship however we are now seperated upon her request she says she wants me to find happiness in something other than her i can see what she means however my heart is now so numb that im not sure that things could ever work between us she has let me down and i was ready to spend my life with her but now im not ready to waste another month am i wrong or is she? what is wrong with me all i have done is spoil this girl with my whole heart i have been there for her through death and now that all this time has passed and all these problems im not sure that i could commit to anything especially when she cannot even commit to me what am i doing wrong? am i to controlling is it wrong to think that these guys should not be in the picture? she wants me to act like a boyfriend and commit my time to her but she doesnt want the title of being my girlfriend should i stick around or should i hit the road? these are the questions that leave me hopeless!
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forever is over. [06 Aug 2007|12:58am]

[ mood | crushed ]

There's nothing left for me anymore.
The boy I love has left me.
He won't see me.
He won't speak to me.
He won't message me.
I'm hanging on by one extremely thin strand of [false] hope, & it's shredding more & more with every passing day. I'm doing everything I can to hold on, but I'm not sure how much longer I can do it.
Not only do I ache emotionally, it's turned physical as well.
We had so much, so much love, so many plans. We had it all.
Now, I don't even have myself.

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CK1 [31 Dec 2005|12:23am]

[ mood | crushed ]

I was going to get that tatooed on my shoulder in big bright letters. His name is Kevin, and we met back in April. It was a long distance thing as he lives in Minneapolis. I live in Seattle. My heart is not over him, and although I have tried to get over him I cannot date others, because I only see him as my soulmate. I love him so much and I will always. I don't know how to get over such a wonderful week we spent together. Then I go saw that goddamn Brokeback Mountain and it all hit me again.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

I am on the right in the red shirt. The one I just sent back to him. I miss him more than I can take and dates do not compare to that one special week we spent together. I'm stuck, can't get over him. I hate it.
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Hello [02 Oct 2005|11:15pm]

[ mood | rejected ]

I was hoping there was a club like this on Live Journal. Without further ado, here is my story.Short and sweet.

Read more...Collapse )

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My life is one big broken heart [25 Sep 2005|05:23pm]

[ mood | gloomy ]

I am of a different type of broken heart. I can not find my one true love. I have the tendency to love with all that I have and pour my heart out. My last love I felt was the one. My only true soul mate. But it was a one sided love. It took my life for 8 years. It isolated me from the world. I could not function any more. It was all give and I did not mind. I gave until I could not give anymore. He left when I was empty only to find another. I have no luck with men. I am destine to never find love or be loved. My heart is broken and crushed. My heart again is broken with rejection on this day. I met someone that I felt a chemistry and connection but it is not the time. I can not have him and he does not want me. I am filled with a deep sadness on this day. But that too will pass as it has in the past. Time and time again. I was told that God will not test you beyond what you can take. If that is true he can not exist out there. He would not continue to let me hurt as I do inside with no one to love and no one to love me. Saddness is deep. Hurt is even deeper. Rejection and pain are synonomous. I will live with it for ever.

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It's my fault... [24 Jun 2005|12:20pm]

I said something horribly cruel to her. I didn't mean to. And despite the fact that we were perfectly and madly in love and we would have been so incredibly happy and I finally found her and we were going to be so happy...

She can't let it go, and she's gone.

It's entirely my fault.
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Welcome [14 Jun 2005|09:22pm]

Had we never loved so kindly, Had we never loved so blindly, Never met - or never parted, We had never been so broken-hearted.
- Robert Burns "Ae Fond Kiss"

Welcome to Shitsuren Club, the Broken Heart Club.

Have you ever lost someone or something dear to you? Do you live with a broken heart? Do you live with unrequited love?

You’re not alone.

Shitsuren is a place for you to commiserate with fellows who have also lost someone or something close to them, who feel they have lost a part of themselves to divorce, death, breakups, and general loss. And even for those who find themselves loving someone who does not love them in return. It’s a chance to meet similar people, to empathize and be comforted.

Now, let me introduce myself.

My name is Adelle, and I have founded Shitsuren because I, like many many people, have found myself left with a broken heart. My beloved boyfriend, Michael Markovich, whom I loved beyond love, beyond life, and beyond time, was killed by a drunk driver on November 20th, 2004. He died instantly, a day before his 17th birthday. To this day, and for a very long time in the future, I will never be able to forget him, never love someone and wholly as I loved him. And so, I chose to reach out to people with similar loss in their lives, to have a congregation, of sorts, of people who could truly understand what one another is going through.

We’re a support group.

We are always here for you when you need it, we will never leave. There is always someone around to give you advice. There is always someone to help you when your down. Shitsuren is here solely for the purpose of being helpful to you.

That being said, enjoy the Shitsuren Club. And know your not alone.
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